Ladies and Gentlemen,
On behalf of the bridesmaids I would like to thank Howard for his toast, and …. for giving me the honour and pleasure of telling everyone why Sara is so lucky.
I would like to offer my best wishes to Sara and Howard on their wedding day and particularly like to take this opportunity to congratulate Sara on marrying such a great bloke…. So what qualifies him as the guy for you, Sara.
Howard. He is one of those life long friends who will always be there, the rock. Gentle and kind without even realising it. Howard has to be described as “Humorous Stability”…which makes him just about the best material for a Husband and possible father….. the only time I have ever seen him close to cracking up was the day he had to sack hundreds of angry coal miners.
So Howard grew up in a small village in the Fens in East Anglia and I am told that at an early age he has always had this great fascination for anything that he could play with…. Yes you have guessed it…. He IS Mr Gadget Man. He would turn up at friends and put together stereo’s - even out of cardboard…… getting it to work was never at the top of his list.
He upgraded recently, after meeting Sara, and off loaded his last stereo – yes this time I was the fool. These days, for Howard, it is just Himalayan walking gear and personal organisers…..
But then we could also go into Home Improvements and how he likes sanding floors …… or we could mention flaming rum that has left a scar on his stomach…… I going to save these for another day.
So where were we….. ah yes, back in the Fens his career took off - he has succeeded in everything he has touched; highlighted by him running the biggest Drugs den in the Midlands in the form of Warwick University’s night club….. yes, I am joking…. But he did have cause to throw out Oasis after they smashed the place up …. And that was before they were famous enough to get away with it.
Then there is the time Rolf Harris drew a cartoon of Howard – some might say it is him at his most animated……. but then they haven’t seen him coming to life around the kitchen table discussing his next big business venture.
Some of you may have realised that Howard also has quite a liking for the name Sarah; well I note with great pleasure that he has gone up market and is now dropping his “H’s”…………… I suppose that also makes him OOWWard.
Since these two first dated – Howard is one of the happiest guys I have ever met – I wish MY HR department gave me the same level of personal service.
And finally - marriage is like a marathon, just remember Howard - Sara knows how to run one - and you will probably spend your whole life trying to catch her up.... mind you it is one uphill battle that is definitely worth winning. Congratulations.
So now for the telegrams and emails…… The following people would like to offer their best wishes for the day and happiness for the future:- I would just like to read out one particular email from Tim and Lizzie Moxey.
If we could make sure all the glasses are full again….. I would like to propose a toast to absent friends……. To Absent Friends.
So now to conclude with the cutting of the cake…. If Howard and Sara could please stand ….. and start the cutting of the cake